Love Beyond the Expression

It was in seventh standard, during the Diwali vacation, that I first watched a Shah Rukh Khan movie titled Baazigar .And I instantly fell in love with him.

What love actually meant, I had no idea. But there was something so special about Shah Rukh Khan that, from that day onwards, I don't think I missed a single movie of his.

Slowly, my room started getting filled with everything related to him. I remember having an Archies poster of Shah Rukh Khan, big enough to cover half the room wall. Shah Rukh Khan was also the face of Pepsi, so there was a Pepsi poster too.

We used to collect postcards in school and trade them with each other. And whenever I got a chance, I would trade someone else's postcard for a Shah Rukh Khan one. Over time, I had this huge collection.

His songs played continuously on the cassette player.

And somewhere along the way, I developed this funny little belief that if I watched a Shah Rukh Khan movie before an exam, I would get great marks. Somehow, that became a tradition. Before every important exam, I would watch a Shah Rukh Khan movie.

This continued all the way until I became a Chartered Accountant.

Looking back now, it sounds quite childish. Maybe even immature. But perhaps that is what that age was about. We were being moulded—forming our ideas about love, relationships, romance, expression and what it meant to feel deeply.

And for me, somehow, Shah Rukh Khan became the epitome of love. Not necessarily love itself, but the expression of it. The intensity. The longing. The gestures. The words. The way love was celebrated, expressed and sometimes even fought for.

As I grew, the meaning of love seemed to change at every juncture of my life.

From being a teenager to getting married, to stepping out into the world, making new friends, meeting new people and experiencing everything that life had to offer—love seemed to take on a different meaning at every stage.

So many things unfolded. So many factors and parameters came into the picture.

There was maternal love. Paternal love. Romantic love. Unconditional love. Conditional love. Spiritual love. And eventually, what I would call a more holistic love for the world around us.

When I look back at everything I have experienced and whatever I have read and understood so far, I wonder if love itself ever really changes.

Perhaps love is the same.

It is the expression of love that keeps changing.

And that expression is deeply individualistic. One person's way of expressing love can be completely different from another person's.

If we observe the people who come into our lives—the people we feel love us, and the people we love—we begin to notice that every person has their own language of love.

For instance, my grandmother's expression of love was cooking variety of dishes and happily serving people around her. The same is true of my mother.She is also an excellent seamstress. With limited resources and a limited budget, she would somehow manage to create beautiful dresses for us. Every few weeks, we would have something new that she had stitched.

She would go to the market, choose a piece of cloth, and then use her creativity to turn it into something beautiful.

And even today, after all these years, nothing has changed.

My father's language is completely different.He has never been someone who expresses his emotions easily through words. But his actions have always spoken louder than words.

Every Sunday, he took us on car drives and out for dinner. Every vacation, he made sure we went somewhere new. Sometimes it was somewhere in Maharashtra. Sometimes Kerala. Sometimes Rajasthan.He wanted us to see as much of the world as possible.

I had my first experience of travelling by plane when I was just six years old, when we went to Jammu.Just after I qualified as a CA, he took me for an elaborate lunch at a five-star hotel to ensure that I didn't feel out of place when I stepped out into the world.He has never said "I love you" very often.But he showed it.

Through the experiences he gave us. Through the world he wanted us to see.

Within limited resources, he ensured that we had the maximum possible.

My best friend has his own way of expressing love.Whenever I am in trouble or going through something difficult, he will just be there. He will make sure I don't feel helpless. He will make me feel strong, important and capable—not weak, defeated or dependent.

Some partners express love through flowers, shopping, jewellery or holidays. Some express it through simple, everyday gestures.

"Should I pick you up?"

"Do you want me to come?"

"Are you bored?"

"Should I cook something for you?"

"Do you need any help?"

"Are you okay?"

These may sound like ordinary questions, but sometimes they are someone's way of saying, *I care about you.*

Not everyone can write poetry, sing a song, bring flowers or make grand declarations of love.

And perhaps that is the point.

Expression isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Some people express love through honesty. Some through patience. Some through having a good temper, especially when circumstances are difficult. Some through helping with the smallest of things. Some through appreciating what you do.Sometimes, simply acknowledging someone's effort is an expression of love.

Some people express love through a simple hug. Some will simply sit with you and gossip about everything that happened during the day.

Someone waiting for you for hours.

Someone driving for hours just to be there for you.

Someone remembering something you casually mentioned weeks ago.

Someone following up on something that mattered to you.

Someone reminding you to drink enough water.

These may look like small things.

But they aren't always small.

They are expressions.

And perhaps what is equally important is not just expressing love, but recognising the expression of love.

Because sometimes we feel that someone doesn't care. We think they aren't concerned.But maybe the person who doesn't say much is showing up.

Maybe the person who doesn't bring flowers is making sure you reached home safely.Maybe the person who doesn't write long messages is the one who will drive through the night if you need them.

Maybe someone is loving you in ways you never thought to call love.And perhaps this is what growing up has taught me:

Love is not necessarily about receiving it in the form we imagined. It is about becoming sensitive enough to recognise it in the form in which it arrives.

Because if we insist that love must look a certain way, we may spend our lives measuring what is missing and completely overlook what is already there.

None of these would have looked like love to the little girl who watched Baazigar.

She had learnt that love was dramatic. It was music, rain, poetry, longing, sacrifice and grand declarations.

But I learnt that love could also be quiet.

It could be practical. Patient. Protective. Playful. Unspoken.

And perhaps that is the biggest difference between the way I understood love then and the way I understand it now.

Back then, I was looking for love in the way it was expressed.

Today, I look for it in the intention behind the expression.

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